Book Review: Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round

Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round

Warning,’ due to the graphic nature of this story……………………

This potent memoir is about Alberta Sequeira, her husband, Richie Lopes and their daughters, Debbie and Lori. Taking a quick glance at the family photos included, one might assume they look like the typical, small town, picture perfect family. A memoir that reads like a horror story, when the nightmare could no longer be contained behind closed doors.

Richie, had become an alcoholic, which is a disease affecting millions of people. Sadly, most of us will at some time, know or love someone with this demon. Alcoholism, predominantly hereditary, is always life altering, not just to the victim but the family and friends too.

As the disease progresses, behavioral changes begin. These changes happen slowly, so at first they are overlooked, suddenly they become unmanageable. The alcoholic is in a constant state of confusion, decision making becomes catastrophic, confidence disappears, their job suffers along with their health, and denial is prevalent. Nothing is as important as that drink, and the temporary escape they believe it will provide. Worse than not having a drink, is facing the inevitable physical and emotional withdrawal.

Richie had become physically abusive while suffering blackouts. In her many valiant attempts to keep their family together, Alberta endured in silence for a long time. She watched this well respected, easy- going man, that she still loved and had based her future on, deteriorate to the point of no return. Always shattering his promise to quit drinking cost him his business, accumulated unpaid bills, brought the threat of losing their home to the government, their marriage shattered and finally cost him his life. He was 45 years old.

The author, Alberta Sequeira, proves to us that life can move on, and she has. Now married to Al Sequeira, living in Rochester MA, she draws strength from his loving support, as well as from her daughter, Debbie. They courageously keep the painful memories from the past open, their goal is hope! Hope, that by reading their gut wrenching story, it will somehow reach and help other families battle this demon. Her desire to help people, has propelled Alberta, not only to write, but she is a frequent speaker at rehabs, or any organization working towards understanding the effects of alcoholism. Showing her battle strength again, she has promised us a sequel next spring, into the years following Richie Lope’s demise and the path Lori stumbled into.

This honest, truthful insight into alcoholism, written with the best of intentions, is well presented and although sad, her purpose is fully delivered and I highly recommend it. Reviewer: Cheryl Ellis, Allbooks Review http://www.allbookreviews.com
Available through Amazon.com or your local bookseller.

Title: Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round
Posted by Shirley A. Roe at 11:18 AM

Customer Review

A top pick, February 8, 2010ByMidwest Book Review This review is from: Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round: An Alcoholic Family in Crisis (Paperback) Alcoholism is not only destructive for the alcoholic, but his family as well. “Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round” tells the story of Alberta H. Sequeira and how she slowly lost her husband to alcohol. Reflecting on her own views, what happens to her family, and how one man’s self-destruction proved to be more than only self, Sequeira has a life that many will sadly relate to, and will find comfort in. For those looking for strength from their own alcohol-driven problems, “Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round” is a top pick.

Insight into living with an alcoholic:

Readers Favorite “Readers Favorite”

This book is intended to be a helpful insight into the problems of living with an alcoholic. Its greatest value may be in the information provided by the author as she details her own enabling behaviors that fuel the dynamics of the alcoholic family.

The author spends substantial time describing her own childhood. She develops a warm, loving, romantic and stable relationship with a boyfriend and then, in an impulsive moment, appears to throw it away in favor of a risky and uncertain relationship with an alcoholic male. She describes the relationship early on in this manner: “He was now in complete control and I loved it.” She goes on to marry the man and she then appears to be surprised that he is, indeed, in control and that she does not particularly like it.

There are so many instances of the author’s ongoing enabling behaviors that this could be a valuable book for those caught in the web of an alcoholic relationship. It could be a ‘What Not To Do’ manual, and for that reason, it would be a learning experience for other enablers. Time and time again, the author rightfully takes a stand with her alcoholic husband and time and time again, she goes back to her own enabling behaviors, undermining the working of the family and allowing the alcoholic to continue his destructive ways. While the author does bravely speculate that her own behaviors contributed to the problems in the family, she lacks insight into how her own inconsistencies and neediness kept alive a destructive relationship that might have had a different outcome.

Ms. Sequeira has perhaps written something different than intended and it has value to a limited number of women and men in her circumstances. If readers learn from her mistakes, the author will have done a good deed.

Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round, September 17, 2009

By

Reader’s Choice Book Reviews “RCBR”

Many of us have had a spouse or family member arrive home after a few too many drinks. Some of us have needed to make up excuses for a loved one’s occasional over-drinking. Imagine if this was a daily occurrence. Waiting, worrying, and watching the clock, wondering when, and in what state, a spouse would finally come home, and then trying to hide it all from neighbors, family and the children.

For seventeen years, this was author Alberta H. Sequeira’s existence every day as she dealt with her husband’s alcoholism. She loved mild-mannered Richard Lopes and witnessed how alcohol changed him from a loving family man with a successful business to a careless, angry, abusive drunk.

Written like dramatic fiction, Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round: An Alcoholic Family in Crisis is a fast paced, tension-filled account of a woman’s tireless effort to keep her family together, her two children safe and to protect her own mental and physical well-being. Sequeira gives an honest telling of life married to an alcoholic–a life filled with sadness, fear, pain and despair.

Sequeira didn’t believe in divorce and was too proud to seek help from her parents, deciding to go it alone. Several times it seemed her husband was ready to quit his devastating lifestyle and commit fully to being a good partner and devoted father, only to have him fall back to bingeing and his alcoholic ways. This rollercoaster life took its toll on Sequeira, plaguing her with frequent panic attacks and eventually bringing her to the brink of a total breakdown.

Through arguments, unpaid bills, violent rage, emotional abuse and neglect, Sequeira kept hope that her husband would eventually realize he had a problem, and seek treatment. He never did…always believing he was just having a few drinks with his buddies after a hard day’s work. Sequeira takes her share of the blame for all the times she could have kicked him out, demanded he got help, or pressed charges for the abuse. I found myself cheering for her, hoping that in the end Mr. Lopes would choose to save his marriage and his family. Despite being divorced from Mr. Lopes, Sequeira suffered greatly when he succumbed in 1985 to the damage done to his body from a lifetime of drinking.

Alberta H. Sequeira is a talented writer. She shows great courage not only in surviving, but in her willingness to return to these experiences when she wrote this memoir. I believe this book could be of great help to alcoholics, their families and even counselors. I highly recommend Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round: An Alcoholic Family in Crisis and I look forward to the follow-up coming soon. The sequel, Please, God, Not Two-This Killer Called Alcoholism details how Sequeira’s daughter, Lori Cahill, followed the same path as her father.

Well worth your time to read By

MotherLodeBeth “MotherLodeBeth” (Sierras of California)

Cannot improve on the other five star reviews. Will note that I am on the opposite side of alcoholism. My late husband was hit and disabled and later died because of a drunk driver. And our son had been hit by a drunk driver as well. This book gives great insight into what the drunk or alcoholics family has to go thru and the pain they have to endure.

An eye opening & heartfelt account of how alcohol abuse slowly progresses and eventually destroys families.

Thomas Cirignano “The Constant Outsider” (Lakeville, Mass. USA) 

Reading this wonderful book was an eye-opening experience for me. Having seen the effects of alcohol abuse first hand during my life, I had never taken the time to try and understand why people stay in abusive relationships. What I learned from this memoir is that it is a slowly progressing situation, in which the abused feels trapped and powerless because of their genuine love for the abuser, and also because of financial dependence.
Alberta’s story shows that it takes courage, driven by an intense love for the children who are also being affected by the situation which makes leaving absolutely necessary, no matter how difficult.
This woman came back from the brink of destruction; a very dark situation which almost cost her her own life. She demonstrated through her tremendous resilience and strength that a person can escape intense misery and reclaim a happy and productive life.
Surprisingly, she doesn’t express the hatred one would expect toward her alcoholic husband, even though his drinking destroyed what could have been a fairy-tale existence. Instead, she sees alcoholism as a dreaded disease.
It’s hard to find a family that has not been hurt in some way by the drinking habits of a family member at one time or another, which is why I would recommend this book to every single person I know. The author dealt with the worst imaginable situations. Her story shows that there is help out there in many forms, but without the inner strength to seek that help it would be a much harder struggle.
This author’s other works are now a must-read for me.

 Cheryl Ellis highly recommends this one

By Allbooks Review (Canada)

`Warning,’ due to the graphic nature of this story……………………….

This potent memoir is about Alberta Sequeira, her husband, Richie Lopes and their daughters, Debbie and Lori. Taking a quick glance at the family photos included, one might assume they look like the typical, small town, picture perfect family. A memoir that reads like a horror story, when the nightmare could no longer be contained behind closed doors.
Richie, had become an alcoholic, which is a disease affecting millions of people. Sadly, most of us will at some time, know or love someone with this demon. Alcoholism, predominantly hereditary, is always life altering, not just to the victim but the family and friends too.
As the disease progresses, behavioral changes begin. These changes happen slowly, so at first they are overlooked, suddenly they become unmanageable. The alcoholic is in a constant state of confusion, decision making becomes catastrophic, confidence disappears, their job suffers along with their health, and denial is prevalent. Nothing is as important as that drink, and the temporary escape they believe it will provide. Worse than not having a drink, is facing the inevitable physical and emotional withdrawal.
Richie had become physically abusive while suffering blackouts. In her many valiant attempts to keep their family together, Alberta endured in silence for a long time. She watched this well respected, easy- going man, that she still loved and had based her future on, deteriorate to the point of no return. Always shattering his promise to quit drinking cost him his business, accumulated unpaid bills, brought the threat of losing their home to the government, their marriage shattered and finally cost him his life. He was 45 years old.
The author, Alberta Sequeira, proves to us that life can move on, and she has. Now married to Al Sequeira, living in Rochester MA, she draws strength from his loving support, as well as from her daughter, Debbie. They courageously keep the painful memories from the past open, their goal is hope! Hope, that by reading their gut wrenching story, it will somehow reach and help other families battle this demon. Her desire to help people, has propelled Alberta, not only to write, but she is a frequent speaker at rehabs, or any organization working towards understanding the effects of alcoholism. Showing her battle strength again, she has promised us a sequel next spring, into the years following Richie Lope’s demise and the path Lori stumbled into.
This honest, truthful insight into alcoholism, written with the best of intentions, is well presented and although sad, her purpose is fully delivered and I highly recommend it. Reviewer: Cheryl Ellis, Allbooks Review

Gives deep understanding of effects of alcholism in a home

By Irene Watson “Author of The Sitting Swing: Fi… (Austin, TX USA) 

Alcoholism is a disease that affects most people in some way; if not family, then certainly someone they know. Unless you are directly involved with the alcoholic it is sometimes difficult to realize the struggles that go on within the family.

Alberta Sequiera lets us into her life to see what it really was like living with an alcoholic husband, how the disease effected the family, and how it was covered up. She explains in detail situations, experiences, and observations as well as the emotional pain she endured. In the end, her husband succumbed to the disease to the point it caused his death.

This is a poignant account of not only Alberta’s experience but also that of many other families of practicing alcoholics. Reading “Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round” will help the reader parallel their own lives and know there is hope, healing, and most of all “moving on” past the illness that is so devastating.

I highly recommend this book to anyone that knows an alcoholic, is living with one, or wants to find out what really goes on behind the doors that lead into the home. Alberta is one courageous woman that lived through much dysfunction and moved past it. She is a good role model for us all!

Crisis in an Alcoholic Family By Reader Views “Reviews, by readers, for readers” (Austin, Texas) 

Reviewed by Paige Lovitt for Reader Views

In “Someone Stop this Merry-Go-Round,” Alberta Sequeira tells the story of how her family suffered at the hands of her alcoholic husband. Having been in a three-year relationship with an alcoholic, I found myself relating to her experiences. Hers of course were much worse because he was in her life for much longer, she was married to him, and he was the father of her children. Unfortunately, she also had to watch them suffer from his actions.

My Master’s in Counseling Degree covered a huge portion on substance abuse counseling. I found that I learned a great deal more by reading this story, than I did in reading textbooks. Following along with Mrs. Sequeira as she rode the merry-go-round with her husband was a huge learning experience. No matter what she did, she learned that she could not control him. The only control she had was over her own actions and choices. This was a painful learning experience for her because, desperate to keep her family together, she offered him many chances to pull it together, and he couldn’t. Recognizing that alcoholism is a disease, she tried to get him help, but ultimately she discovered that he had to be the one to make that choice.

As the book concludes, she shares with us what is was like to lose him to the disease. Even though they were divorced at this point, she still loved him and she also had to watch her daughters suffer horribly as they watched him slip away.

“Someone Stop this Merry-Go-Round” is a must read for counselors, alcoholics and family members of alcoholics. I would like to think that this book would be a wake-up call for an alcoholic. Reading about someone who lost everything to the disease should be very sobering. For the families dealing with an alcoholic, they will see that they are not alone and they will also recognize the common patterns in dealing with a person with this disease. Hopefully this will also be a wake-up call to them to get out before there is a chance for violence to begin.

Ultimately it is up to each individual as to how they choose to deal with alcoholism. I honestly believe that if I had read “Someone Stop this Merry-Go-Round” by Alberta Sequeria years ago it would have encouraged me to exit my relationship with the alcoholic much sooner. As I read about the pain that Mrs. Sequeira experienced, it brought back memories of my own. Seeing how it only gets worse, it is truly motivating to get out now and let them get help.

A Must Read For Everyone Affected By Alcoholism By John Castelot “John” (Manchester, NH) 

As a recovering alcoholic I found Alberta’s book very moving. It’s rare that the alcoholic gets to see the damage and destruction from the loved ones side. There were many tough moments as I thought back to events and people that the book pulled from the the recesses of my mind. This book is meant to share!

Gripping drama By Joyce K. Walsh

Well-written and fast-paced, Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round is a poignant and painfully truthful story about being married to an alcoholic husband in denial. This gripping drama captures the reader’s attention in its depiction of the devastating toll of alcoholism as the family tries to compensate for the lack of emotional stability, loss of income and, ultimately, physical and mental abuse. More than just a personal memoir, this book offers important insights into the descent of the frequent drinker into full-blown alcoholism and the enabling behavior that provides the drinker with easy excuses. Ms Sequeira does not spare herself in this equation but, through it all, we are hoping that she will prevail.