I look at this picture of my beautiful daughter, Lori Cahill, and physically ache. How could a child who had everything be taken from me?
Here was a girl that was full of laughter, loved her family, had devoted friends, a son and a daughter who loved her, a good high-positon job, a joy to her parents …and gone from what…drinking, and possibly drugs, and hanging out with the wrong crowd.
My daughter started drinking in her last year of high school, or so I thought. Once she got out of school, she married and had her children. I thought her life was going well after losing her father at seventeen, I had forced her into an abortion at that age, and her friends were running wild with the family not being aware.
Lori never spoke back, entertained her friends at home and I thought all was wonderful. My other daughter, Debbie, had married, had a son and daughter and we were all close.
It wasn’t until Lori turned 37 years old, that all of us discovered she had a problem with drinking. She admitted herself into a substance abuse rehab three times and could not recover from her addiction.
Please, God, Not Two: This Killer Called Alcoholism was written after I lost my husband, Richard Lopes, and the demon returned to take her with him. Sadly, many families are losing their loved ones from addiction. It is such a useless death when there is help for them, but they can’t seem to hold on and desire the recovery. Good, happy, and loving children are dying worldwide from a disease that professionals are trying to find out how to stop this killer.
The gap will never be filled from losing Lori. Her two children still feel the pain along with her sister, who had been left with no other sibling. Lori’s daughter, Meagan, will be getting married December 5th with the emptiness of not having her mom look on with pride. How do we stop this sickness that is taking the lives of wonderful people?
I wrote about my loss in the sequel Please, God, Not Two and added my talks behind closed doors to substance abusers. They need to come out fighting and learn to love themselves again. So many think they are failures. These paths that they go down are not dead ends. They need to turn around and head for a life of happiness.
To start, they need to face their emotional problems and talk about them. That is the only way to heal. Forgive who hurt you and don’t allow them to keep you from being healthy.
Read the sequel and see how our enabling as family members only bring the addict deeper into their addiction.
Go to this link to order all books:
Left: Alberta Center: Mr. George Hayden Right: Joe Gramm
This is one of the most unbelievable events of my life. Our family found this gentleman in a nursing home down the Cape Cod area in Massachusetts. My sister-in-law, Marge Gramm, was his nurse. Mr. Hayden noticed her name tag Gramm.
He said he knew a commanding officer of his during WWII who was named Albert Leo Gramm. To her surprise, that was our father. My husband, Al, and my brother, Joe Gramm, and I went to the location to meet him.
He and my father were in the 26th Yankee Division together. When my parents went out, he babysat my twin brother, Albert and myself, for them. We were around 2 years old. My youngest brothers, Joe and Bill, were not born yet. We had a sister, Leona, who was five years older than me. Our brother, Walter, had already passed away from Polio, which took a heavy toll on our parents.
It was such a pleasure to meet Mr. Hayden and hear the stories of our family and my father. I had written A Spiritual Renewal; A Journey to Medjugorje, which was about my father and his fighting in Lorraine, Metz and the Battle of the Bulge. Dad retired from the National Guard in 1953 as a Brigadier General. If you look closely, you will see a picture of our father, Mr. Hayden is holding. He was so thrilled seeing Al Gramm’s children grown up.
It was a small world and almost an impossible event for all of us to meet this vet who brought us great memories. He was in is early nineties and lost track of him. He most likely passed away but touched our hearts. It was a blessing from God to have Marge as his nurse and meeting him.
Read about Brigadier General, Albert Gramm, in A Spiritual Renewal at this link: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alberta+sequeira
This picture was taken a few years ago as Al and I soaked-up the sun in Orlando, Florida. I had always hoped that after my retirement we would be comfortable to do this often on many tropical islands. God had other plans for me.
My main goal for setting up this blog was to reach out to alcoholics and drug addicts, along with their families to talk and share our outlook on pain, confusion and many times abuse from addiction. We used to hide this topic of alcohol and drugs behind closed doors and suffered in silence. I was one of many people who did and became the experienced enabler. I learned too late after losing my husband, Richard, and daughter, Lori, from their own addiction that innocently doing so I pushed my loved ones deeper into their habit and it lead to their death. I could only love and support them, they had to make the decision to want the help.
I became an author and speaker from the loss of my first husband, Richard Lopes, and my second tragedy of losing our daughter, Lori (Lopes) Cahill, both from North Dighton, Massachusetts from their alcohol addiction.
Suddenly I became a speaker at halfway homes, court ordered programs, rehab locations and to the public. I speak from the heart on all the mistakes I feel could have been handled differently and maybe…just maybe, they would both be alive today. At least I would have felt I did everything possible in my power to have helped than believing A.A. swearing to let them fight this until they reached that rock bottom.
I wrote three memoirs: A Spiritual Renewal: A Journey To Medjugorje, which is about love, faith and miracles; Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round; An Alcoholic Family in Crisis, about my young marriage to Richard with our two daughters, Debbie and Lori. The sequel Please, God, Not Two; This Killer Called Alcoholism is about losing Lori. I wanted answers to why some addicts make it and other die like Richard and Lori so I published my first Narrative Non-Fiction What is and isn’t Working for the Alcoholics and Addicts; In Their Own Words. This is a book of testimonies from thirty-four recovering alcoholics and drug users from all walks of life from the United States and Canada with their testimonies on what hasn’t and isn’t working in their recovery programs. This book is for the addicted, family members, counselors, doctors and the public.
All my books are in paperback and Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alberta+sequeira.
My email is firstname.lastname@example.org if you want a quote for a talk.
My video of my talk Feb. 6, 2014. Two other recovering alcoholics and my talk from the family side.
Creativity is Allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. Scott Adams, cartoonist