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ENABLING

July 16, 2018
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Enabling behavior is the easiest thing for someone to do for a loved one. I could have received the highest award for doing so because I wanted no conflicts, to have the person mad at me, keeping firm with my rules, and watching a sulking person, to only give into them.

When it comes to the person with a drinking or drug problem, we have to develop the tough-love we hear about so often. If we don’t, we help the addict go deeper into their habit, that can, in the future, kill them. Better to have them hate you than burying them.

I lost both my husband, Richard, and daughter, Lori, from their addiction to alcohol abuse. My relationship with Richard during his blackouts were frustration, anger, hate, the guilt that his actions had to be from something I had done, or he no longer loved me.

From me not making, and enforcing demands, with what should not have been allowed living together, our family life, behind closed doors, was on the path of destruction with mind and body, and our two daughters lived in confusion, fear, watched abuse, and grew up scared with no security.

Lets understand something that I didn’t, at the time. Don’t stay with a partner because you believe the children need the other parent. No child needs to watch adult behavior at its worse. They grow up following the same path by marrying the same kind of person with substance abuse problems, take the drugs up themselves, and the merry-go-round starts again with their family life when they marry.

When we enable, we shield our loved one from experiencing the full impact and consequences of their behavior. Enabling is different from helping and supporting in that it allows the enabled person to be irresponsible for whatever they do; getting in a car accident, get arrested, being violent, fights, blackouts, hanging out with the wrong crowd, cause separation from family, constantly asking for money or stealing it, lying, losing their jobs, children, cars, homes, and the list can go on.

Until they come to realize that only they can get sober by themselves, and we can only support them, the cycle will continue, especially, if parents and loved ones, make excuses for them. What we do is make decisions with our hearts and not our brain with reality with a solution.

Drinking and taking drugs becomes a problem, when it causes problems. Think of what your conflicts are: do they revolve around the time they drink? Are you getting behind paying bills, when you never did? Where is the money going? Who are your child’s friends, where do they go, what do they do?

Living this kind of life for fourteen years (way beyond reasoning) made me have a small breakdown, because all I did day and night for 24/7 was think of ways to cure Richard. I pushed my mind and body to the point of braking down. If you see no results from demands, separate from that person. People panic thinking the next step is divorce. That happens, if you make it happen, by filing for one. Separation is just that, both going different ways, until you see if changes happen.

God didn’t put us on earth to be abused mentally or physically by someone who doesn’t want to change their destructive behavior. You should not have to sink with that person. You can die tomorrow, and they will continue on their suicide path. We all have choices; the addict and yourself.

I’m ashamed to say, I took Richard back four times. FOUR TIMES! Love is not going to pull you through this nightmare of substance abuse. When they go too deep, the alcohol or drugs are more important to them than life itself. 

Don’t do what I did….wait fourteen years to end it. By then, all of us suffered, when there was no need for it when professional help is available to the whole family. End a relationship before you can be killed by someone in a rage.

As for handling my daughter’s drinking and taking drugs, believe it or not, none of us knew she had a problem, until she was thirty-seven years old. She had been drinking in her senior year in high school, and I thought she’d outgrow it when she graduated…my blinders were on even after losing Richard at forty-five at the VA Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island from his alcohol abuse. Lori was following the same path.

Lori died in 2006 at thirty-nine years of age at the Charlton Memorial Hospital in Fall River. She and her father are buried together at the Saint Patrick Cemetery in Somerset, Massachusetts. Don’t think that it will never happen to you.

If something doesn’t feel right, find out what it is! New friends, new attitude, coming home late, wanting fights, losing interest in the family unit, and arguments all from substance abuse.

If I had ever taken the seriousness of Lori’s drinking, and her being under eighteen years old, she could have been taken out of school and placed in a rehabilitation center before learning of her addiction in her thirties. She would have had professional help before the demon had a grip on her.

She entered Butler Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island, and twice at Emerson House in Falmouth, Massachusetts. She just couldn’t understand why she had a problem. Look for depression, which I never saw. Lori felt her father’s death without talking about it, and I forced her into an abortion at seventeen, which she didn’t want.

Don’t ignore the warning signs!

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
Email: alberta.sequeira@gmail.com
Books: www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

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I got flowers today!

May 26, 2018

Chris Perry/FaceBook

June 21 at 9:53 PM
I got flowers

I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night. He said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he was sorry and didn’t mean the things he said. Because I got flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. And it was much worse than all other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I’m afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me. He beat me to death.

If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.

This poem is dedicated to all the victims and survivors of Domestic Violence.
Add my instagram for more @chrisgqperry
#share for awareness

________________________________________________________________

I had to post this because I’m lucky to be alive myself from years of physical abuse during my ex-husband’s blackouts. I had three serious attacks that I wonder today, not only how did I survive, but how sick I was to stay in the relationship and not have him arrest. STOP thinking, “It can never happen to me!”

My husband was a shy man, who without drinking, was polite and a funny. Take this post seriously!!

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
alberta.sequeira@gmail.com
Purchase books at http://www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Choices

May 14, 2018

first-step

It’s my favorite thing in the world to hear from fans: alberta.sequeira@gmail.com
Purchase my books at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Reaching the Addicted

May 14, 2018

2018 - ALBERTA AND SHERIFF PHOTO

https://vimeo.com/254517198

This is my interview with Sheriff Thomas Hodgson from The Bristol County Correctional office at 400 Faunce Corner, North Dartmouth, Massachusetts. The first half hour is about my life with the last half hours talking to the women inmates at the jail.

I can be reached at: alberta.sequeira@gmail.com
My website for the addicted with choices is: www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
For my writers and followers to become authors: www.albertasequeira.org

Purchase my books at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

A Full Descriptive Review

May 2, 2018

Final picture for Kindle

https://youtu.be/A3CUvHMecEg

by Rosemary Wright
(An Official OnlineBookClug.org review of What is and isn’t Working for the Alcoholic and Addict by Alberta Sequeira)

Frankly, I never took the byword that says one should not judge a man until one has walked in his shoes seriously before I read the book, What is an didn’t Working for the Alcoholic and Addict by Alberta H. Sequeira, who lost her husband and daughter due to alcoholism. Consequently, she compiled the stories in this narrative to help liquor and drug dependents, who are in denial, realize that they can be clean. As the title renewal, this nonfiction is about what works and doesn’t work for the addicts in their journey to recovery. This publication includes accounts written by thirty-three, former substance abusers about their personal experiences as users and their steps to restoration. Being inspirational, motivational, and spiritual, this guide has all that is required become substance-free.

Alberta premised the narration with the definition of addiction and referred to the latter as a disease that eats away its victims. She discolored that for sobriety to be attained, an addict should participate in repeated counseling, Alcoholics Anonymous/Narcotics Anonymous meetings, have a change of lifestyle, pray daily, and keep away from drinking and drug-using buddies. In addition, she suggested that the duration of recovery programs should be longer, and the Patient Privacy Law for alcoholics, drug abusers, and persons with mental illness should be modified to allow family members to be involved in the recovery process. In this book, it’s advised that doctors, counselors, and psychiatrists should not dwell on the substance use but should handle the reason for the habituation.

Fascinatingly, this work unveils one story after another narrated by the contributors, among whom are authors, counselors, life coaches, and speakers. Although, some of them are antonymous, a few are from Canada and the others are from various states in America. Some were addicted to only alcohol while the rest of them were hooked on both alcohol and dopes. Well written and narrated in the first person point of view by author and the different narrators, this compilation has the ability to hold a reader spellbound as each page brings out the unspeakable activities in the world of an addict; from the first day of dependency to recovery. At a steady pace, the plot is captivating and interesting, and there are revelations and helpful detains in each tale.

Thoroughly, each narrator describes his first ecstasy induced by spirits/narcotic, further indulgences, family history, why he decided to stop drinking or taking drugs,, his experiences in AA.NA meetings and rehabilitation centers/halfway houses, and what made him pull through. Many of the contributors attribute their improvements to their faith in a “higher Power,” believing in God and surrendering their lives to the Lord, Jesus Christ. From the multiple, personal stories written, I saw that several drinkers and users seek solace in substances mostly because of family and emotional problems. Unwisely, some of them are involved to overcome momentarily their feelings of guilt, physical and emotional abuse, anger, bitterness, low self-esteem, humiliation, and self-pity. As should be expected, a good few of them have boozers and trippers as parents and siblings.

Before reading the stories, I used to hold addicts responsible for their predicaments and insisted that they should suffer the aftermath of their actions, but after I finished readying, my perspective on substance abusers changed because i discovered that most of them did not intentionally choose that lifestyle, but a lot of factors beyond their control prompted them subconsciously to depend on the bottles and ropes. Altogether, the narrative highlights how willingness, clearing away doubts, failure, disappointment, and shame can be essential for the recovery of addicts. Invariable, the contributors admonished relatives to support users with tough love, without being forceful and judgmental. Explored in this narration, are the consequences of addiction such as; loss of jobs and properties, separation from family members and good friends, legal issues, declining health, and death. Most of the stories are kind of similar, but each tale has a unique information to get across to readers. Following the write-ups, at the end of the book are some spiritual and inspiring poems to motivate and direct addicts.

Lastly, this book is one of a kind and carries a global message that will save lots of lives and make our societies better. I recommend this book for addicts, desiring recovery, their family members, doctors, counselors, psychiatrists, and especially for non-using teenagers and adults to dissuade them from getting involved in substance abuse.

Purchase at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Never Give Up!

April 14, 2018

miracles

What do I gain being sober?

January 19, 2018

Choices

Everyone wants something out of life, especially changes. When you get over the shakes, panic attacks, and suffering giving up your using, don’t you feel you see the recover around the corner?

Don’t you see things more clearly? Is your depression better? Do you have hope?

The mending is the worse part. Easy for me to say and hard for you to do.

Being off drugs and alcohol has you more aware what is happening to you and around you. Before you didn’t care what even happened. Now, healing is dealing with the fears. You are no longer running away from the truth where your life was heading.

Stay sober a little longer and you will see and feel the benefits. I promise.

Sobriety is life. You may not like it, but it will let you live to see your family grow and have your dreams come true.

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
alberta.sequeira@gmail.com

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