FIGHT FOR SOBRIETY!
A man who drinks too much on occasion is still the same man as he was sober. An alcoholic, a real alcoholic, is not the same man at all. You can’t predict anything about him for sure except that he will be someone you never met before.
RAYMOND CHANDLER, The Long Goodbye
I can’t believe they don’t, unless they are so out-of-it that they have no idea what is going on with their lives. They live for that next drink, stealing money or material items, commit violent crimes to achieve getting the change to met the drug dealer, or do anything that they never had to do before to feed their habit. Their only goal is to to feel nothing.
What can we do as family? How do we reach them? Do they even care to listen to us? Professionals can help us, but we are lost to help our loved one.
How do we develop “Tough Love” and kick them out when we know they have no place to go? Where do we get the strength? How can we show them the fear and confusion in our lives, like theirs, that are causing us to be on the verge of losing them?
So many questions that seem to have no answers. I do know one thing….we can’t do it alone. We are too emotionally involved to think with reason with our minds. Instead, we over-rule our decisions from our hearts, which only brings the alcoholic deeper into their addiction.
We need to listen to the person suffering, both the alcoholic, drug addict and the family member with absolutely no yelling, demands, looking for questions, just plain sitting and letting each other talk with no interruptions until the person is finished.
Parents needs to open up completely about the bad things that had happened to them as children to see if we are following a path from the past. Parents may have never had any connection to theirs, had beatings, alcoholic uncles, aunts, cousins, and a hopelessness of feeling no sign of recovery. We all follow the same path without realizing it. Someone needs to stop the merry-go-round and get off. Make a change in direction on what we do daily to only keep the same results which go nowhere.
We need to stop passing this disease from one generation to the other. Honesty! Yes, the first step to understanding what is actually happening to us as a unit. Family needs to step-back and see the damage our fighting, breaking up marriages, losing our jobs, our children, missing school, getting fired from our jobs, losing homes, going broke, all have to do with the overuse of drugs and alcohol abuse.
No one has to be ashamed, just get smart and say, “No More!” The hard work will have to come from the addicted to get sober while the family members have to look back and see where they went wrong and give the love and support that is needed for recovery. No one is completely right or wrong because it is a family disease.
Lets work together
No. Dartmouth, MA 02747
“Journey Through Alcohol Abuse” http://www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
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I grew up with three brothers, Bill, Joe, and my twin brother, Albert, along with a sister, Leona, who is the oldest. We had a brother, Walter, who we called Butch, but he died of polio at seven years old, and at the time, I was only two so I didn’t have the blessing of knowing him, only through pictures. My parents took his death hard.
My childhood is full of good memories. Having a twin brother, his buddies and my girlfriends would always group together to have fun: baseball, sledding, skating, rode bikes, and walked to the ice-cream store. As teenagers with a car license, we rode to the city, where owners parked their cars along the streets for show, and had them shinning brighter than the sun. Guys carried their cigarettes rolled-up in their tee-shirt sleeves, wore loafers, and we played the great sixties music until they wore out. I was disappointed when Elvis got married breaking my heart!
I loved school for the social time looking for fun and making the kids laugh during study periods. As for the classes, I went because it was something we had to do and graduate. I look back now and realize how important and special those days were to all of us.
Our father, Albert L. Gramm, had been a retired Brigadier General in the Army. He fought in WWII as one of the commanding officers of the 26th Yankee Division and fought in some famous battles like Metz, Lorraine and The Battle of the Bulge. He died in 1990 at eighty years old in South Dennis, down Cape Cod from cancer, and I let the wonderful military history of this great man, pass with him.
Our mom, Sophie Gramm, had been a stay-at-home mom and greeted us each and every day coming home from school. Suppertime was “Family Time”, not as it is today. We laughed, talked about our school classes and friends and got to know each other. My mother died in 2007 at ninety-two years of age from a stroke, two months after my daughter, Lori’s, death.
I met my first husband, Richard Lopes from North Dighton, MA, and we had two beautiful daughters, Debbie and Lori, four years apart. My dreams of a happy marriage ended after fourteen years of being an enabler…way too long..to Richie with his drinking. We divorced and he died in 1985 at forty-five years old from alcoholism.
I met and married, Al Sequeira, from Rochester, Massachusetts. I sold my home and moved with him. I loved the large farm house with a porch that encircled the whole front with ten acres. He had four grown children and we became very close as a family and we do not call our kids- stepchildren. They are all our sons and daughters.
Al and I own a Time Share to make us go on vacation. We have gone to many places in the US, but our thrill was going to Italy and Portugal three years ago. It had been like going back in time with the everyday living. We met Al’s relatives for the first time in a tiny village with only 12 families. It was wonderful. Family still had goats to walk up to the mountains, took care of beehives to make the honey, sheep, fruit trees in all backyards to just pull them off and eat fresh. Vegetable, like potatoes, are all grown in the ground. I never saw a can of food anywhere. The old churches were kept and were breathtaking. Everyone looked healthy in their old years. I can’t imagine them living under stress like we do in the USA.
I became a four-time award winning author and speaker. I teach three-hour workshops on “Bring Your Manuscript to Publication”, “How to Self-Publish Your Own Book with Create Space,” and “Writing Memoirs.” I published them in paperback and Kindle on Amazon.
I am also a director, producer and co-host to the New Bedford 95 Cable TV station. I also became a co-founder to Authors Without Borders with three other authors (www.awb6.com).
My books are in paperback and Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alberta+sequeira.
My email is firstname.lastname@example.org if you want a quote for a talk.
My enjoyment is now spent on writing my first fictional book The Rusty Years. I want my followers to see a lighter side of me after writing about so much pain.