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Guilt with drinking

December 14, 2015


The guilt with drinking is carried with both the substance abuser and family members.

The guilt with the drinking can make the abuser go deeper into their habit. They feel as if they’re not worthy of being loved, not as good as another sibling, they carry sadness of disappointing a loved one or give up on themselves.

Family members do the same. I was one who pushed my guilt of not doing SOMETHING to stop the merry-go-round of the nightmare. Because I grew to become the greatest enabler, innocently, I helped them go deeper into their addiction. I didn’t talk to my daughters of the danger of drinking and lost my daughter, Lori. I fought with Richie instead of waiting to the next day of him being sober to discuss the problem calmly or make demands if he showed no signs of wanting help.

Maybe……maybe, if I had, the door would have at least opened to get my loved ones to desire the help. I watched a husband die from alcohol abuse, and twenty some years later, I buried our daughter, Lori.

Do I carry guilt? Plenty! Did I cause their deaths? No. But, we didn’t work as a family and get professional help to “maybe” stop the habit—as soon as we knew alcoholism was the problem.

We acted like nothing was happening that couldn’t be fixed and waited for the abuser to stop on their own. It was my place to talk about the problems from drinking in our family so we could have all understood the confusion, fear and abuse that was taking over our family life.

We, as parents or couples, have to be open with the reality of what is happening. The longer we go into silence and put blinders on with the hope the drinking will stop, it’s a faze, the longer and more serious the problems becomes.

When does it become a problem? When it “causes” problems. When every argument is around the results of drinking: staying out late, hanging out with the wrong crowd drinking, coming home late, fighting, going into blackouts.

DEMAND they get help as soon as you see the problem. It also helps the drinker realize, hopefully, that their lives are getting out of control.

Alberta Sequeira

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