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May 7, 2019

man praying on hill

Why do we have to wait for an intervention to try to reach our loved one fighting addiction? I wish I had thought of this before I lost my husband and daughter.

This may sound like a crazy action but think about it. When you talk to them they don’t want to hear what you are saying. They don’t want your advice. They block you out. First of all, don’t try to make any connection when they in a fog from using.

If you send them a loving letter, they will read it. Maybe they won’t like what you’re saying, but they won’t be blocking you out. It gives you time to “think” about what you want to say.

Never knock them with their behavior or their personality. Don’t throw blame at them. They need to hear you love them and that you are scared to death on losing them. Don’t say you love them, show it.

One night, I received a call that my daughter had been staying at a friend’s home, and they wanted her out. She was not paying rent. At that time, it had been months that we had no idea where she was or in what condition.


We went to bring her home. It was a comfort mentally knowing she was with us. I sat on the couch and she put her head against my chest. I ran my fingers through her matted hair. I wrapped my arms around her. It gave Lori such solace her remark to me was, “You don’t know how good it feels with your arms around me.”

I have never forgotten those words. You see, Lori died eight months later at thirty-nine and I never held her in my arms again. As parents, we miss the way to handle the alcoholics. What do they want, need, or desire?

I wanted the answers. Thirty-nine alcoholics, drug, ​and prescription users contributed their stories to me from the USA and Canada. They were asked: “Are there other family members who have an ​addiction, what age did you start, why did you, what do you need to help you desire the want for professional help? What do you think works and doesn’t in our recovery programs? Many more questions.

These answers from all show​ the family, counselor, doctors, and society​ what they need. This is a book for all, not just the addiction. Here is a book you can read and then leave it on a table for your loved one to read at their want. The contributors talk to them. You don’t have to.

The book is What is and isn’t Working for the Alcoholic and Addict; In Their Own Words. Your childhood life is what defines you as an adult. It can be purchased at

Alberta Sequeira

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