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Guilt with drinking

December 14, 2015

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The guilt with drinking is carried with both the substance abuser and family members.

The guilt with the drinking can make the abuser go deeper into their habit. They feel as if they’re not worthy of being loved, not as good as another sibling, they carry sadness of disappointing a loved one or give up on themselves.

Family members do the same. I was one who pushed my guilt of not doing SOMETHING to stop the merry-go-round of the nightmare. Because I grew to become the greatest enabler, innocently, I helped them go deeper into their addiction. I didn’t talk to my daughters of the danger of drinking and lost my daughter, Lori. I fought with Richie instead of waiting to the next day of him being sober to discuss the problem calmly or make demands if he showed no signs of wanting help.

Maybe……maybe, if I had, the door would have at least opened to get my loved ones to desire the help. I watched a husband die from alcohol abuse, and twenty some years later, I buried our daughter, Lori.

Do I carry guilt? Plenty! Did I cause their deaths? No. But, we didn’t work as a family and get professional help to “maybe” stop the habit—as soon as we knew alcoholism was the problem.

We acted like nothing was happening that couldn’t be fixed and waited for the abuser to stop on their own. It was my place to talk about the problems from drinking in our family so we could have all understood the confusion, fear and abuse that was taking over our family life.

We, as parents or couples, have to be open with the reality of what is happening. The longer we go into silence and put blinders on with the hope the drinking will stop, it’s a faze, the longer and more serious the problems becomes.

When does it become a problem? When it “causes” problems. When every argument is around the results of drinking: staying out late, hanging out with the wrong crowd drinking, coming home late, fighting, going into blackouts.

DEMAND they get help as soon as you see the problem. It also helps the drinker realize, hopefully, that their lives are getting out of control.

Alberta Sequeira

My books are in paperback and Kindle at http://amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Email me with questions at:
is alberta.sequeira@gmail.com

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Daily Meditations From the A. A. Book: Twenty-Four Hours a Day

September 25, 2013

God holding a man

You are never alone with your struggles with addiction with God beside you!

All thoughts, meditations and prayers for the day, come from the 1975 edition of Twenty-Four Hours a Day published by Hazelden Publishing. It is a small booklet written for AA members.

“The Serenity Prayer”

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference. 

Thought for the Day

Another of the mottoes of A.A. is “Live and let live.” This of course means tolerance of people who think differently than we do, whether they are in A.A. or outside of A.A. We cannot afford the luxury of being intolerant or critical of other people. We do not try to impose our wills on those who differ from us. We are not “holier than thou.” We do not have all the answers. We are not better than other good people. We live the best way we can and we allow others to do likewise. Am I willing to live and let live?”

Meditation for the Day

“And this is life eternal, that we may know Thee, the only true God.” Learning to know God as best you can draws the eternal life nearer to you. Freed from some of the limitations of humanity, you can grow in the things that are eternal. You can strive for what is real and of eternal value. The more you try to live in the conscience of the Unseen world, the gentler will be your passing into it when the time comes for you to go. This life on earth should be largely a preparation for the eternal like to come.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may live each day as though it were my last. I pray that I may live my life as thought it were everlasting.

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